my lungs fill with remember-whens
like the trip down memory lane
will be the thing to keep me alive,
once, i was carelessly free and
happiness radiated from my skin
and while i look inside the reflection
of the bathroom mirror, searching for
a horizon i can reach, while the fuel
of my existance dangles just outside
my grasp, i feel so close and so far
away from everything i’ve wanted my
life to become and i can’t tell which
way i’ve been walking and where
my feet will finally land

This.
from @1924us

Timestamp: 1411997460

This.
from @1924us

deserved

A woman knows her worth, 
sometimes it’s been buried
past the deepest valley of her soul.

We were born with an intuition
to protect our heart, sometimes
forgotten the first time the sun
greets our skin on the ride home
from the hospital—

We’ve always known what’s best
for ourselves, for it was written
behind our rib bones.

When I’m with him, I can feel all
of that radiating off of his skin like
heat and lust

When I’m without him, the corners
of my eyes lose focus and my
heart loses grip of reality and
inside my mind, my thoughts
become swollen with assumptions.

What I don’t know is how to
feel the difference between
reality and imagination
and understand if it’s
his desire is to deserve me.

The stillness seems to slicing
through the steadiness of my
heart strings, as it overflows
with confusion and doubt once
again, I need to hear your words
being written down, telling me
you’re not going away—

A while ago, I found a post of a girl who shared her photo in her rawest form. I’ve been meaning to share mine. I wish the photo was better quality so you could see my face more clearly. 

This is me without make up. sometimes, at a moments passing, I grimace at my reflection and ache with an empty resounding wonder if anyone looks past my outward appearance. 

Timestamp: 1411609637

A while ago, I found a post of a girl who shared her photo in her rawest form. I’ve been meaning to share mine. I wish the photo was better quality so you could see my face more clearly. 

This is me without make up. sometimes, at a moments passing, I grimace at my reflection and ache with an empty resounding wonder if anyone looks past my outward appearance. 

music in my collection

I don’t ever pride myself with a spectacular taste in music. i have a top 10 songs list of all time never ending favorites but this is a list of most of my favorite bands whom I simply love and adheres to a few different kind of moods. Made this list for a friend, thought I would share with you.
• Alabama Shakes – Amazing CD.
• Alt-J – look up breezeblocks and tessellate.
• The Avett Brothers – one of my all time favorites.
• AWOLNATION – Found them because of SAIL
• Benjamin Gibbard – Has a song called Lily.
• Biffy Clryo – Found them by Many of Horror. I think he has a unique sound
• Bon Iver – no explanation needed
• Bright Eyes
• Cage the Elephant
• Chevelle
• Citizen
• City and Colour
• You+Me (a duet with City and Colour and Pink, they have a cd coming out Oct 14. Can’t wait)
• Christina Perri –favorite favorite
• The Civil Wars – another amazing duet, unfortunately no longer together
• Damien Rice – his voice lulls me
• Dessa – she’s a rapper. I’ve seen her in Sioux falls. Amazing
• Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros
• Elizabeth & the Catapults
• Ellie Goulding –more main stream but just love her
• A Firm Handshake – they have one cd, the boy has passed away from cancer. Incredible music
• Florence + the Machine
• Heatbox – beat boxer. I’ve seen him in town too
• The Hush Sound – first band I found that was indie
• Ingrid Michaelson
• Iron & Wine
• Jason Mraz
• Josh Krajcik – love his voice
• June Embers – local-ish
• Justin Timberlake –yum
• Later Babes – Local dj group
• Leftover Cuties – jazzy
• Modest Mouse –freaking love their sound
• Mumford & Sons –can’t go wrong
• Natasha Bedingfield
• Norah Jones
• Of Monsters and Men – loveeee
• The Paper Kites – Featherstone is an amazing song. Their lyrics..
• Regina Spektor
• The Swell Season
• Tegan and Sara
• Tom Waits—there’s something about that man’s voice
• TRAMPLED BY TURTLES – FAVORITE FAVORITE
• Twenty One Pilots – amazing
• Vampire Weekend
• We are voices
• Young the Giant

always alone

the night falls like every night before
and the stars sway in the breeze
and in a few hours, the sun will peak
over the side of the world we’ll never
reach standing still—how many dreams
will I wake up and have to pin onto my
walls and how many more of my hopes
will leave me breathless while every night
I fall into a sea of blankets alone.

I’ve heard the saying:
you can’t help who
you fall in love with,

but I’ve never
believed that.

I dressed up my heart
with desire and grace
and in the weakest
moment, while your skin
was hot against mine,
I let you inside-
through a passage that
had been locked, and
you entered with gentle
strength without a key.

But here’s something
I refuse, while my heart
hammers these signs
against my ribcage
and my mind races with
over cooked thoughts
of assumptions—

I won’t fall in love
alone, I won’t be left
standing at the cliff
to jump without you
standing next to me.

I can be patient
and I will fight.

But there has to be
a reason for my
patience and
there has to be
something to fight for-

I will fight, if I know that I am fighting for something and
I can be patient, if I know what I am being patient for

the girl in the mirror

I sat in front of the full length mirror and really analyzed who I was staring at—there was a woman in front of me who’s on the verge of a thunderstorm bursting through her tear ducts. I see a heart that is to large for her own chest, beating fast at the hope of feeling loved for every flaw she possesses. I look at the way her body curves, the hint of a round stomach, something she’s always tried to hide with the right kind of shirts, the way her thighs touch and ripple with cellulite. She has desire for a better, smoother body she’s seen all the men double take while those seemingly flawless women pass but she lacks the real will and motivation to fight her way through the gym doors because how much will that actually do and how long will that take? She finds her prison inside the brain tissue walls while assumptions and over-cooked thoughts bounce off each other, chained down with self-doubt, as her self-worth evaporates against the heat of her imagination while it looks for reasons as to why he hasn’t texted and how many more days will she live without seeing him before giving up. But she can’t give up. She’s felt the firmness of his body beneath her own hands, while she allowed him to take away the flower she had been saving, was going to save for the man who was going to promise her forever. Can he love her? Will he? Questions that never seem to rest, weaving in and out of her fingers during the night, stirring her awake or letting her fall into nightmares of what ifs. She’s given him crumpled up apologies for saying too much and pushing too hard for a definition she wasn’t yet sure of while she was exhausted with the rush of her need for reassurance that he saw her for more than what was in between her legs. I sat there and looked at her face, knowing it’ll probably never be completely flawless, a hint of acne that created her self-conscious fear to grow like vines against the brick walls she’s built and like the ones she’s trying to conquer in his heart. She can be patient, if she knows what she’s being patient for.

What kind of woman am I? What kind of woman do I want to be? Where is this life and how well am I doing at living it? How do others see the woman I am compared to the way I see myself? Do you find light behind my eyes and my heart hanging from my sleeves busting with love I need to give out? Have I lost my joy inside the lost world? Have I lost the love I once had for God? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?

steel&salt

Timestamp: 1411226445

steel&salt

I’ve always known I’m not an easy person to love, but loving me could be the best adventure you’d face. I’ve always known that I’ve allowed my emotions to dictate the way I live and the way I express myself, holding fast onto words the way my lungs grasp at oxygen. There’s a learning curve when you connect with another human, the way you mold yourself and the way they mold you against the way they’re molded. There’s beauty in the way you allow yourself to grow and change with the sunsets and by moonlight.

beacon

I’ve clung to my emotions like a livesaver,
keeping my head above sea level, while
waves crashed around me and hopeless
attempted to drown me—now I look at
your face, secrets tucked in the corners
of your lips, the gentle curve of your cheeks
where I’ve kissed, marking my territory
and you’ve never needed emotions
to keep you safe, folded into the seams
of your hems instead of displayed on your
sleeves—but my hands are full, and I want
to offer you a different beam of light that
my soul contains to show your essence
that I live too in a way you don’t and maybe
we’ll burn together, brighter than we could
have imagined in our own lifetime, leaving
solid ground in our legend—